A Villain’s Journal
by Wizard Weatherwax
Summary: Every villain knows the true value of meticulously recording his evil deeds in plain manuscript for all to read.
1. Chapter 1

**A Villain's Journal**

**Day One**

I have bought this journal in order to record my thoughts and the most important occurrences in my life.

I am beginning to hate my job. Working as a barkeeper can be quite frustrating, especially when your boss is a lazy bastard. He gives me tons of jobs to do and pays me very little. I am beginning to hate him!

Sure he gave me this job… But I just think that I should receive more respect from him and the clients. I am treated as if I am a slave! Those smelly bastards! All of them!

Sometimes I wish I could burn this tavern down… And with everyone inside it!

I hate them all!

Not the kind of first entry that I was expecting to write, but these are my thoughts and feelings. I have to stay true with my decision to record them.

**Day Two**

My boss started humiliating me again in front of the clients. How I hate him more than ever! And only because I broke a damn glass! The clients are always breaking them!

Their laughter! Their godforsaken laughter! How I hate them all!

**Day Three**

I have come up with a plan. It isn't the best of plans… But if it works, I think that all of my troubles will be over.

Mr. Folgon is usually the last client to get out. And he is usually very drunk by that time. He will be an important piece in my plan.

And so will this dagger…

At last, I shall have my revenge…

**Day Four**

I can't believe it! I have done it! It still feels like I am in a dream!

Everything worked out alright! Everything!

Mr. Folgon was the last client in the tavern last night. He was incredibly drunk as usual. And so was my boss. It was so easy…

I killed my boss! I stabbed him in the back and then cut his throat! The blood seemed like gold, to me! I wanted more… More!

And then he was dead… as simple as that…

And now there was the matter of Mr. Folgon… Poor Mr. Folgon… I grabbed a crossbow that my boss… my now deceased boss… had behind the counter.

I shouted: "Murderer! Murderer! How could you? Help! Help!"

Mr. Folgon looked at me in a surprised way. He was so drunk… He couldn't even understand my master plan. Too bad…

I shot him down. And just in time… The watchmen entered the tavern with their swords ready to strike.

And what did they find? My boss dead, Mr. Folgon dead and I holding a crossbow.

The watchmen told me to put the crossbow down, and I did. I told them everything. How Mr. Folgon had attacked my boss… How I had shot Mr. Folgon, thus killing him…

The watchmen found the dagger in the floor. Exactly where I had left it. They told me that I had been a Hero and acted in self-defence.

Me? A Hero? Not bad… Not bad at all…

**Day Five**

I decided to keep the tavern. It is mine now. All mine!

So many people came. They wanted to listen to my stories about yesterday. And I told them my stories… And they listened…

This murder business will attract lots of clients. Not bad! More clients means more business… More business means more money…

And money means power…

**Day Six**

My tavern is a huge success. I have hired a few lads to do the actual work. I have other things in mind.

Money means power… And it is time to get more money!

I have hired a few thugs. They are idiots, the lot of them! But they will be useful. Really useful.

Until then, I will just keep them as a sort of pets.

How I love me!

**Day Seven**

What makes a Hero a Hero? What makes him so different form the others? Is it the fact that he does good deeds? No! It is the fact that he is charismatic? No!

It is the fact that he seems to have success doing those good deeds! Success will bring charisma and that will make you a Hero to remember.

And I guess that I would like to be a Hero.

And I guess that my pets will have to sacrifice themselves for me.

**Day Eight**

I ordered the thugs to rob the local bank. Fools! I would never trust them to do that! They are stupid, simple folks! They are good at kicking and killing, but not at sneaking.

They accepted, of course. I offered them lots of money. Who would refuse?

Their orders were to steal the bank at midnight. Oh, I am such a sentimental fool! Midnight! Ah!

I decided to warn the Watch of the robbery that was going to occur. I said that I heard those bad men talking in the tavern about it. And that it was my duty as a good citizen to warn the Watch about it.

Oh! And I bribed a few of the watchmen that were… let's just say not as lawful as they should be… I have to make sure that the thugs don't survive this encounter. Dead men tell no tales.

**Day Nine**

Oh! The people are so agitated! An attempt of robbery has occurred last nigh! But thank the gods the Watch had been capable to stop them.

All of the robbers died. Some rumours state that they didn't surrender. Too bad.

The Watch gave me a reward and I was yet again a Hero. A Hero! I like the sound of that…

People know me… People respect me…

My tavern is full of clients… More clients means more business… More business means more money…

And money means power…

**To be continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Villain's Journal **

Day Ten

The money keeps coming. How delicious!

But enough of that! I must think "big"… I am no longer an average citizen! I am a great Hero, therefore I must take care of my well being.

I decided to hire the most experienced and lethal Rogue of the town as my bodyguard. His name is Boris. I was actually surprise to find out that Boris is a Dwarf, but I decided not to make any comments.

Boris accepted my little deal, which involves lots of money.

He will be my lap dog… when I give orders, he will obey!

I also decided to buy some… exotic items… from a black-market seller.

Note to self: Find use for the Orcish weapons that were bought.

**Day Eleven **

Boris is a good lap dog. He has taken care of some of my competitors during the night. The taverns were burned to dust.

Of course, I will offer the landlords some money in order for them to reconstruct their taverns. And they will owe me!

And I will be a Hero, again… How nice.

**Day Twelve **

It would seem that my popularity keeps increasing. How enjoyable. I am a great puppeteer!

And by a strange coincidence of Fate, the elections are quite near. Mayor… Not bad!

Hummm… I think that I will win. I am the best! The current Mayor is a wimp!

But I can't take any chances! I will take care of him.

It would seem that those Orcish weapons will be of some use after all.

How interesting.

Better give the orders to my lap dog… I mean, Boris.

**Day Thirteen **

It would seem that the current Mayor has to go on an official trip to another town. Something about a Festival of some sorts.

Wouldn't it be so awful if… something dreadful was to happen to the Mayor?

Ohhh! And so near the elections? Poor little Mayor…

**Day Fourteen **

The news spread more quickly than the plague… or so it would seem.

The poor Mayor… or should I say ex-Mayor?

It would seem that the Mayor and his escort suffered… an unfortunate accident!

By the looks of it, the Orcs were responsible for the whole terrible mess.

Boris has done a good job. He deserves a raise.

People are so naive. I mean… The Orcs leaving behind their weapons? And not an Orc corpse on the field?

Ah!

Simple folks! My future minions…

Now it is time for action… Now it is time for my performance!

**Day Fifteen **

I made a speech today. Everyone was there to listen to it. Everyone!

I offered my condolences! I told them that I would gladly pay the widow and her children some money, in order for them to survive.

And I… told them that I would run for Mayor.

Everyone applauded! Thunderous applause! Everyone! Including the damn widow and her filthy children!

Bah! I will be Mayor! No one can stop me! No one will!

Boris will make sure of that!

**To be continued **


	3. Chapter 3

**A Villain's Journal**

**Day Sixteen**

Bah! Every thing is going on so well! That makes me sick! I want some challenges! These people… these filthy people are nothing but flies!

They can't even add the sum up! I am the only one that benefits from all the recent… occurrences… Yet no one thinks that I am to blame.

Although, I have to say that Boris is doing a great job. Not bad for a Dwarf.

Boris asked me for some money. He wants to hire more men. I decided to give him the money. My power is growing. I need more cannon fodder.

Also, Boris has frightened my would-be competitors for Mayor. A little threat here, a broken arm there.

Fools! The lot of them! They deserve nothing but my hate!

I will become Mayor! It is just a matter of time.

**Day Seventeen**

Boris suggested me something very interesting… It would seem that there is a local Thieves Guild. Very resourceful fellows.

According to Boris, they could be a great asset to my cause. Rogues and thieves? Maybe… One should use every ally that one can gather.

I went to their Guild. Awful place! Full of mad men and wenches! It wasn't very difficult to arrange a meeting with the leader. I offered them one hundred gold coins for their help. They accepted, and added that since I was such a good sport, that they would even offer me some of their Assassins as my personal guards.

I accepted the little gift. Assassins can be quite handy.

I have some mercenaries and assassins… I guess that I have all the protection that I need.

Ah! Protection is never enough!

Note to self: Stop making the maniacal laughter. People are beginning to notice.

**Day Eighteen**

I have used most of my money to buy a Golem. That's right! A Golem! Golems are excellent guards. They don't sleep, eat or show lack of respect. I need a loyal servant, in case something goes wrong.

I spent most of my money, though. Damn! I must gain some more! The tavern isn't enough! Not anymore!

The job as a Mayor will be sufficient… I think… I must be elected! I must! Damn the stars, I must!

I have asked Boris and his men to rob some merchants on the road. To even kill them if they must. I bet that most of them will be killed…

Not a problem! I will state that as a Mayor, I will try to make this town safer! I love being a politician!

I only have to wait a few more days…

**Day Nineteen**

I can't wait any longer! I have asked the local elders to change the date of the elections. I said that the town needs a leader and Mayor and that this current situation was only hurting the town and its people.

They agreed with me. How nice! Some charismatic words and they drool! Such naive minions!

Tomorrow is Election Day! Good! Good! I have asked Boris to stop robbing the merchants. I need them alive… I need their vote!

And tomorrow… I will be Mayor!

**Day Twenty**

The Election Day. My day! I won! I am now Mayor!

Counting the votes? Why? I was the only candidate! The others were… Indisposed!

So… I am now Mayor! I have moved to the Mayor's house. Nice house! Needs some new furniture and rugs, but it will work fine!

I have also brought with me Boris and the rest of the lads. Including the Golem. The Golem never leaves my presence. He is my faithful and loyal servant. I don't trust Boris nor the rest of the lads. But I trust the Golem… The same way I trust a plate or a chair.

I made a few speeches and decided to have a party. I want to be popular! I want to be respected! Let them have their pathetic fun!

Boris and I have some plans to discuss…

**Day Twenty One**

I decided to invest a lot in the Watch. Surprised? I want those men with good weapons and armours! They will defend me, their Mayor… And I want my men to be quite good at that!

I also invested some money in traps. I asked the assassins to secure my house. You never know! Crazy things usually happen to powerful people.

And I am really powerful!

**Day Twenty Two**

Oh, damn! Oh, damn! Oh, damn! Everything was going so well!

An Elven Ranger appeared out of no where. It would seem that she was an old friend of the ex-Mayor. She didn't take lightly the news about his death.

Damn! My guess is that she suspects something.

She decided to investigate this matter, and went to hunt for the Orcs that killed the ex-Mayor. Alas, there are no Orcs.

What now? What now? She is going to leave soon.

I asked Boris for advice. Boris suggested that we ask the Thieves Guild for help.

Hummm… Why not? Why not, indeed?

**Day Twenty Three**

The Elven Ranger left a few hours ago. I already asked the Thieves Guild for help. They assured me that this problem will be resolved. I even paid them extra, to show them that I meant business.

Damn! Could the Thieves Guild really help me? Damn! I should have sent Boris and the lads. They would have done the job! The filthy Dwarf seems to be good at killing.

I guess that one should be patient. I must be…

**Day Twenty Four**

The Elven Ranger should have returned by now. What does this mean? Is she dead? Or is she plotting to kill me?

The Golem is standing right next to me… My loyal servant and powerful bodyguard.

What's this? A commotion downstairs? What could it be?

…

Good news! A few wandering priests found the Elven Ranger's corpse! It would seem that she was killed by some bandits… Full of arrows she was. Good! Good!

I drank a glass of wine and relaxed. I even decided to give more money to the Thieves Guild.

I wanted a challenge. Well, I had had one. And I had passed!

I didn't expect another outcome.

**To be continued**


	4. Chapter 4

**A Villain's Journal**

**Day Twenty Five**

A few damn commoners are beginning to suspect foul play by my part. Damn! They are whispering that I am a treacherous coward.

I should kill them all! But that would be stupid and barbaric! So uncivilized.

Plus, if everyone that opposes me died, that would give me away.

And I am not powerful enough to deal with that… For now at least!

I think that it is time to throw another party. Maybe even donate some money to the church.

I will regain their trust! I must…

**Day Twenty Six**

I have fallen in love. Hard to believe it, right? But it is true!

She is so pretty! So gorgeous! So divine!

I saw her on the party!

Alas, she has a damn boyfriend! A stupid and zealous Paladin! How I hate Paladins! How I wish they were all dead!

To see my love with such a creature… It pains me so much.

I need to save my love! I need to show her that she is making a mistake!

And I know how to do it…

It will cost me lots of money… But it will be worth it! I have to save her from that pig!

**Day Twenty Seven**

I have asked Boris and his men to kidnap the Paladin during the night. He wasn't to be killed! I have some plans for him…

And as for my love… I have invested most of my money in one magical item. I have bought a Ring of Charm. I can use it on my love, and she will fall in love with me! I will save her from the vile world!

And as for that damn Paladin… I have ordered Boris to throw him into the dungeon! He will be tortured… Tortured all day and night!

He will be cured of his injuries everyday by a Cleric, so that he doesn't bleed to death! And then he will be tortured again, and again, and again… Forever!

I will make his life a living Hell! He will pay for daring to love the same woman that I love!

**Day Twenty Eight**

It worked! It actually worked! My love was crying and worrying for that crazy fool! But I used the ring… And it work! She is in love with me! With me!

How I love her! I kissed her… She is so pretty! A goddess!

We are going to marry! Yes! In two days! I love her, she loves me! It will happen!

People suspect something… They ask her about her old boyfriend… How I hate them! I told my love that the Paladin abandoned her! She believes me! How I love her! She really believes everything that I say!

Good! I have told Boris to double the torture! That's right! I want the Paladin to suffer! To suffer the fate of those that dare challenge me!

Boris doesn't mind this kind of work. He is a good lap dog!

**Day Twenty Nine**

One more day! One more day and I will marry that goddess, my love!

No one will be able to stop me! I have power… I have money… And now I will have the most beautiful girl of the town!

I am invincible!

Muah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!!!!!

**Day Thirty**

Oh, terrible, terrible news! The Paladin somehow managed to escape my dungeon!

Damn that pig!

He killed Boris and his men! I don't think that the Paladin did all that by himself! I bet that some of the commoners helped the Paladin!

Ah! I can see clearly now! The Paladin is my nemesis, my mortal enemy! I should have seen it!

But I will marry my love today! No one will stop me! I have asked the Thieves Guild for help! They sent dozens of assassins to protect me. My wedding is going to be a private ceremony! A priest, me and my love!

No one will stop my plans! No one!

I am invincible!

Let them come! They will die! They will all die! They will regret the day that they challenged me!

**Day Thirty One**

I have lost… I have lost everything! I don't know how… I had a plan! I had everything figured out!

I am now writing my journal in a tavern somewhere. I had to run away! I just had to…

The entire town revolted against me! Everyone! Every single commoner… Simple minded idiots!

The Paladin led them! He was a shell of a man that he once was. He had many scars… Yet he still had what some may call a charismatic aura that surrounded him.

The assassins fought bravely, but they all died.

The wedding was going perfectly! It was great! It was almost over! I was going to marry my love!

But when the priest was about to end the damn ceremony, the Paladin appeared. Such a damn Hero! Damn that creature! Damn them all to Hell!

I fought the Paladin! I had to! I wanted to kill him! To make him pay for daring to love my goddess!

Alas, the damn Paladin won the damn fight. He disarmed me and asked me to end the spell that imprisoned my love.

He had a sword pointing at me! I had to do it! I told him that I would free her, if he let me go!

He seemed to think about it. He seemed to be digesting the idea and to think about the consequences of his decision.

In the end he accepted my agreement. He let me go, and I gave him the ring.

The fool destroyed the ring and the spell was dispelled. He could have kept her charmed but the fool destroyed the ring!

My love looked at the Paladin and kissed him. How that simple act disgusted me so much!

The Paladin kept his word and I was able to walk away.

And here I am now… Once a powerful ruler of a town… Now a drunk man at a tavern…

At least I am still alive… Got to think in a positive way!

Oh? I seem to be the last customer in this tavern. How time flies… I drank too much… You would drink too, if you lost so much in so little time!

That boy… He seems to work in this tavern. Yes! He helps the innkeeper! Just like I did! I miss those days!

Funny! That boy does resemble me… The poor lad was humiliated lots of times by the customers and the innkeeper.

It pains my soul to see the poor lad facing such a familiar life. If you can call that hell a life!

What's this? It would seem that the innkeeper is also a bit drunk! Damn that pig! Poor lad… I should talk with the lad! Maybe the two of us can start a new life somewhere. We are almost like brothers.

What the… The lad has just stabbed the innkeeper! With a damn dagger! What is happening in here? I can't even seem capable of stop writing… This damn business seems to have paralysed me!

What is he doing now?

The boy is looking at me… He is smiling an evil smile… He has walked towards the bar… He has grabbed a crossbow…

He has shouted: "Murderer! Murderer! How could you? Help! Help!"

He is now pointing the crossbow towards me…

Damn… How I hate irony!

**The end**


End file.
